Tiny Invaders

Ants have invaded the food-free office, so there was my day. They did not come up through the big hole in the floor but rather took the more boring route of poking their way through some tiny slit in the wall and dividing themselves up into a black circulatory system all over the floor. On the up side, I heard small clicking noises along the lines, and when I looked very closely I saw that each ant had a tiny top hat and 3 pairs of tap shoes and were dancing their way along the edges of the walls. This made for unfortunate little squeals when the spiders that had taken up stations over the columns picked them off.

Everyone has an explanation about why ants invade even when there doesn’t seem to be anything inside that would interest them. When it’s cold, the cold has driven them in, or the water if it rains. But then they also invade when it’s too hot out or when it’s too dry. Doesn’t that take care of the whole shebang? What about coming in because they’re tired of cramped living quarters?

I fear the horrible sprays that feel like they're delaminating your lungs, and I think that whoever makes those little plastic ant traps sit and laugh about how we’re suckers. Have you ever once placed a trap and seen ants going in them or anywhere near them? Me neither. I didn’t want to go out to buy something special, so I wiped the trails with wet cloths and rinsed them out in the yard tap. Very low tech, and, yes, yuck. But, in a stroke of genius, I took the only chemical-ly type thing around and sprayed lemon Pledge all over. It dusts and shines as it kills ants. This could be one of those moments—hey! It turns out that lemon Pledge is an insecticide!

I’d better admit, before you loose your trust in me, that they were just regular old ants. No hats or taps. Sorry.