More Masomenis

Looking through my green metal file I’ve pulled out the third piece of correspondence between me and the Masomenis Corporation: my response to Raymond Horn’s answer-free letter replying to my questions about the company’s home defibrillator. I decided that this could be a correspondence adventure, which is stupid because there’s no such thing as a correspondence adventure. When this was happening in the fall of 2008 I was busy sabotaging myself into unemployment. I wasn’t doing my given job and was writing a wide variety of bogus correspondence for fellow-employees, originally doing just a couple of bogus recommendation letters. The folks I did them for thought it would be a nice, old-fashioned touch compared to the usual spit-out form email.

What I began doing was fun from the inside, but people around me thought that I had a problem. I started saying things that made no sense just to see how someone reacted. I asked people in the office how loud they’d be willing to talk or if they would fake passing out. I told them that if they didn’t get their handwriting analyzed their relationships would fail. I passed out a detailed multiple-choice quiz about rabbits and gave people five bucks to complete and return it.

To pep up my second letter to the Masomenis Corporation and I decided that I would comment on how much nothing there had been in Mr. Horn’s letter. I Googled “Nothing” and started on one of those on-line looking-up strings, moving from site to site to expand or explain your subject. But this wasn’t a YouTube thing where you watch one kitty falling asleep and then four hours later you’re watching tigers playing baseball or a kid licking a sea anemone. I fell into the Philosophy Pit and became interested. Ideas and vocabulary ratcheted up exponentially. I didn’t leave when I read the core idiotic question, “Why is there something instead of nothing.” If I had been thinking properly would I have run away from that first question. Wouldn’t you?

Given what followed I advise you, very seriously: look up sleeping kitties.