A Better Tax Day Than Most

On April 15 I did not hang around the Jump Start Sandwich Shop across from the post office watching frantic and sad people hurrying to mail their returns. I was not avoiding Bethann, the Being & Nothingness Cam Project’s accountant. Rather, I was watching the guy set up in front of the post office. He must have been there because of the heavy traffic, but if anyone was paying attention to him they sure as hell didn’t let him know.

He sat behind a TV tray with a little pile of pink paper held down by a rock. Next to him was a giant board made out of the standard-issue piece of mean cardboard handed out to all of The End Is Near folks. It was mounted on a new, first rate flip chart holder, but held down by 3 dirty yellow and black bungee cords. Go figure. The cardboard was covered with hellaciously small writing except for the parts that were in capitol letters in red Sharpie. He must have felt the sorrow we all have when we are so passionate that want more emphasis on something than just bold, capital, underlined, and italicized can provide. No one stopped to talk, because he might actually, you know, talk.

Last Thursday I wasn’t going to be the person who talked to him. It was a public place and all, but I was still concerned about where a talk might go. It wasn’t going to be into Murdered-and-Your-Head-Winds-Up-in-the-Freezer-Land, but it could go into Inviting-a-Jehovah’s-Witness-into-Your-House-for-a-Drink-Land. I went over and was able to position myself slightly to the side of his cardboard treatise, take a quick look, then beat it before he engaged me.

My quick read showed what you might expect: this guy was no optimist. Probably had a crummy sense of humor, too. On the up side he wasn’t mumbling or touching himself inappropriately. The red sharpie phases I remember were:

THE GOLD STANDARD

ABANDONED TO LUNCHROOMS

ASIAN AMERICAN

WILLD CAUGHT [sic]

SHANNEN DOHERTY

MINERELS [sic] (maybe it was MORELS)

DOOR HANDLE

I thought that the pink flyers might say the same thing as his sign, and just as it looked like he might talk I grabbed a flyer and hustled into the post office. The flyer was promoting an independent documentary that was showing next Friday at the Baptist church.

I’m quite pleased that I remembered so many of his phrases. I’m going to work on a few lines that use all seven of them. This was one of those times when you say, Oh, man, I forgot my camera! One picture of that board and I could have been enlightened or horrified for life!